It's been 7 years...

dear you,

i fucking love you. i know i've said it a thousand times before, but even if you were able to know it, thousand is not enough. 

i can't explain how fucking much i love you since the day i first met you. it's been seven years and what the fuck happened? 

you weren't really able to remember my last name and i was so fucked up when my friend told me "yeah, you were right, he doesn't even know your name"... i cried that day. a lot. i was with my friends in a park but i wasn't really there. you were in my head all the time. i was not focused at all. 

then my best friend at that time came with an idea. she wanted to became friends with people who were around you. she had a crush on your friend, but that's not really important. so i was anxious in the beginning, but when i saw it's working out i said yes!! 

i started to go on meetings with you and your friends. yes, that was fucking great. even if i was that silent girl and even if i fucked it all up, at the end of the day, you were glad you met me and had me, right? because when you were about to left, you touched my hand and said "please don't cry for me anymore"... and yes, i was fucking crying, i mean everyone was crying but i was hysterical, because i was about to lose you forever. i don' believe that you didn' feel my love that day. you had to. when i came home i locked myself in the bathroom, fell on the floor and cried to the sleep. i fell asleep because i was so exhausted from my crying. but then i swear to myself, to you, to God that it was the last time. but, obviously, it was not. because here i am, seven year later, crying like a freak.. oh and i remember the day i found out that you'll be gone in a few weeks. i was in school and i was going to have a test from a biology. i didn' pass it and i cried so much that my teacher was constantly asking me what's wrong with me and i said nothing but YOU WERE THE FUCKING NOTHING!!! 

yeah, we laughed together. we laughed sometimes so much i couldn't breathe. i was so close to you and so far away at the same moment. and then you left. 

then i texted you and you were glad. 

you told me you are fine and you'll come, one day and we'll figure out something to do. 

then i saw you a few times, had a great time with you. 

and then you... then you became best friend with her. and i know she probably hates me and you.. you stopped talking to me. when we meet you act like you fucking don't know me but i know that's not truth!! 

when i text you, you don't text me back. 

i gave up on staying in touch with you, but i'll never give up on YOU because i love you so fucking much. i can' even explain with words how much i love you.

i love your eyes. 

your eyes, damn your eyes. 

it's so easy to fall for them. 

i love your voice and i love how you're not able to say "R"...

and i love your smile, i love the sound of your laughing, god i love the sound of your laughing, i loved the sound of your laugh. 

there's nothing more beautiful than you are. i still believe we end up together. even if it'll be after this life or after life after this life, but i believe we were meant to be. 

because i don't know why would God brought you to my life when we're not able to be together. 

when i love you more than anyone and anything. 

i fucking love you. 

i love you. 

i love you. 

i love you.